 When Teresa Bondora’s daughter was fifteen, she began inviting her daughter’s friends over, providing food for them and encouraging the kids to make themselves at home. Before long, her house began to be the place where her daughter and her friends regularly hung out and the teens began calling Bondora their “Other Mother.”
One of main benefits of having your teen and their friends at your house is that you know where your teenager is and what they are doing. You know that an adult is home and you can make sure that the kids are safe. You also have the opportunity to get to know your child’s friends. “When your kids feel like you accept their friends, you are really accepting and validating their identity”, says Becky Haron, CTA, CLC and mother of four children.
With a little bit of planning and effort, you can make your house the place where the teens want to hang out.
Provide a Hangout Space
Try to provide the teens with a specific and separate to hang out in your house. A basement or bonus room makes an ideal hangout space because they are often separate from the main living areas, but still in close proximity to grownups. You can also turn a spare bedroom, den or even the garage into the hangout room.
If you don’t have a space inside your house, consider making a warm weather hang out outdoors. When Jill Nussinow’s son was 13 years old, she set up a large tent in their backyard for her son and his friends to hang out. She ran electricity to the tent from the house so that the teens could watch movies and play video games in the tent. Her son and their friends enjoyed having a place that was their own and Nussivow liked having her son in the backyard.
Decorate for Fun
After you decide on the space, make the room an inviting area for the teens to spend their time. Put furniture in the room that you don’t mind getting dirty or spilled on. If possible, get a second-hand refrigerator or at least a small dorm-sized fridge to put in the space for drinks and snacks.
Think about how your teenager and their friends like to spend time and provide some entertainment options, such as a TV or video game system. Pool tables, air hockey and ping pong are also favorites with teenagers. You should also put a TV with a DVD player in the hangout space. You don’t need to have the latest video gaming system or a huge flat screen TV in the hangout space. Be sure to also provide a trashcan in the hangout space to help with cleanup.
Feed Them
One of the best ways to get your kids to bring their friends over is to provide food when they come. Bringing food to the hang out space is also a non-obtrusive way for you to keep tabs on the gathering without the kids feeling like you are checking up on them.
Stock up on juice and sodas when they go on sale. Be sure to have plenty of chips, crackers and cookies on hand. Keep some frozen pizzas and boxed macaroni and cheese for when the kids are over during dinner time.
When Silvana Clark’s daughters had their friends over, she liked to make pretzel dough in the bread machine and let the kids make their own pretzels. You can also buy large tubs of refrigerator cookie dough at warehouse clubs so you can quickly make some fresh “homemade” cookies for the teens.
Listen and Make Them Feel Welcome
When your teenager’s friends show up at your door, make them feel welcome at your house. Greet them by name, ask about their day and compliment them. “The best way to have kids want to come to your house instead of elsewhere, is try to genuinely like them,“ says Faith Deeter, Marriage and Family Therapist.
When one of the teenagers talks to you, be sure to listen to them without passing judgment. “Be a good listener. It’s amazing how much kids want another adult to use as a sounding board,” says Carol Casey. Next time they come over, ask a question about something that they told you in the past so that they know you were listening, and you are interested in what they have to say.
“If you are pleasant, positive and brief, the kids will likely be quite comfortable with you being there,” says Deeter. After a little while head to a different part of house to give the teenagers some space.
While it is important to create a welcome environment so that the teenagers want to come over, it is also important to have ground rules about alcohol, drugs and smoking for your house. Encourage the teenagers to let you know and that they can trust you if they come to you when another teen is not respecting your house rules. “If you ask for their help, you may find they will likely be willing to be responsible along with you in having your home be safe,” says Deeter.
Jennifer Gregory is a freelance writer and mom of two kids. She hopes that when her kids are teenagers that they will want to hang out at her house.
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